Psycho Bibble Babble Pt 1: Locus of Control

So, I’ve recently things keep happening to people I care about I have no control over, and it’s driving me batty (I apologize to bats, who actually get a bad rep). Something about the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas brings out everyone’s challenges (blame the change in the angle of the sun), I have to try extra hard to remind myself of a concept from my mental health professional education; specifically, my positive psychology course junior year of undergrad. We learned about a concept called the locus of control. I know it sounds super woo-woo, but it’s very backed by evidence. If you can bear with me, I’ll describe it in a nutshell. I know that it’s given me great comfort when dealing with family drama.

Basically, you can only control your reactions to events that are the result of other people’s choices. You can gently suggest ideas and support them on healthy paths and offer your unconditional love. But that’s where it ends. Because trust me, the more you force, the more they will resist. People by nature are stubbornly independent. Especially in this country. It stinks. And it goes against every therapist, ADHD-action-oriented bone in my body. But at the end of the day, you have to protect yourself.

Here’s a small tip you can try yourself to help you accept that fact. Remember that you’re actually helping them the most by setting healthy boundaries. Support them. Offer to help them access resources of professionals. But do not take on things that you’re aren’t equipped to take on. Because you can’t really be there to support them if you’re burned out.

OK. I’ll stop channeling Alex Mercer from The Irrational. Let me know by contacting me if there are any particular concepts you’d like me to cover in this blog. Or the book I’ve cowritten with my friend McKenna, A Neurodivergent Gal’s Guide to Being Your Best (working title).

Have a WICKEDly wonderful weekend,

Mira Kaye