Perspectives on Masking

I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to decide how much “me” to put on the table in different social situations. What is Jessica Day quirky, and what is just “too much?”  I’m all for self-acceptance and using one's voice. But to use your voice, you need a platform. And to have a platform, you need to get into the room. 

If you constantly have to hide yourself or mask around someone, it’s easy to feel tired and anxious. That’s even more true if it’s someone you might be around a lot. Unfortunately, you usually don’t get a whole lot of time to figure out if you need to put on a mask or how big of one to put on. First impressions are how people decide if they want to continue the conversation. Think about the first day at a new school, a job interview, or a first date.

So you want to give people a taste of your neuro-spiciness but don’t necessarily want to give it to them at jalapeno-level intensity. But what does that even look like?

After some self-reflection, here’s what I’ve learned. It looks different for everyone. A good starting point is to think of how you acted when you first met someone you now have a great relationship with. Then, adjust based on how this new person acts and the situation. 

Here’s what that has looked like for me. When I met one of my best friends in college, she was quietly sitting at a table by herself, reading her Kindle. I admired her confidence, so I sat next to her and asked what she was reading, and we ended up in a heated discussion about Harry Potter. On my first date with my husband, I handed him a succulent identical to mine because I knew from our texts and video calls he loves plants. He kept that succulent alive long after mine had died.